Brahms’ Lullaby plays, fading into—
Bert: Good evening and welcome to this hour of “Mother Goose Children’s Theatre,” bringing you safe theatre for your bedtime stories.
Which is like showing The Wolfman movie to Little Red Riding Hood. I’m your host, Bertolt Brahms.
Harold Clurman has written a new book called On Directing 2. Because of mass confusion over the title (some thinking that Clurman gave instruction on how to direct a two-person cast), there will be a re-printing with a new title, A Second Installment of Directing Principles as it Applies to the Theatre of Today and as Seen Through the Experience of Harold Clurman. Here is Clurman’s introduction:
Little director has lost her actors,
And can’t tell where to find them.
Read them Antigone;
They’ll come right back you see,
Punctuality now more important to them.
And now we bring you, “A Taste of the Theatre,” where our everyday experiences turn into conflict-laden scripts.
Today, we step into the box office, amid a flurry of telephone calls and visiting patrons.
One for the money
“Yes, ma’am. You can only purchase one ticket for that price. No…no, I’m sorry, there is not a meal included. I’m sorry…cages? No…no cages. Ma’am. …Ma’am. There are no foxes in this production. Ma’am…I think…I think you misunderstood. No, ma’am, this is not a joke. I’m very serious. This is a theatre. We are performing The Little Foxes by Lillian Hellman. This is not the Zoo. Hello? …Hello?
Two for the show
“Thank you for holding, sir. Yes, there are only two remaining seats left for this evening’s performance. I double checked that with the Front of House Manager, the Head Usher, the Assistant Director, and the Director. I’m sorry…but three seats are just not available at this time. …Well, I did just confirm this with the playwright and publishing house as well. Yes, sir, I’m positive. Two seats. Not. Three. Yes sir, I counted them myself, just today. Yes. Thank-you.”
Three to get ready
“Yes, ma’am, I did appreciate your audition. Well, you see, it was supposed to be a one-minute audition. Not a three-seconds audition. Well…it wasn’t a terrible three seconds. Yes ma’am, you’re right—it was very concise. Well, you see, I’m not really sure how to tell you to improve…it was hard to tell in three seconds. Uh…but you didn’t throw up! That’s a positive!”
And four to go
“Ma’am…I appreciate the fact that she’s your granddaughter, but you cannot speak with her right now. Yes, yes, I know you want to congratulate her, but she’s performing right now. Well, let’s see…it’s a five act play…and it looks like…yes—they are still in the first act. …So yes, four more to go before it’s done. Yes, then you can congratulate her. Yes, ma’am, I’m sure she is a sweetheart. No, no…I’m already dating. Well, I mean—I don’t think it’s a pity.”
Finally this evening, we bring back our series, History in Rhyme. This week focuses on the 1930s.
Three Group Theatre peeps,
Stella Adler they could not keep,
And they began to cry;
“With Stella there,
Will Stanislavski dare,
His system to her teach?”
“What? Teach his system?
This does not show wisdom!”
But they did not know why.
They did not know why.
Now Miss Adler bought
What Stanislavski taught.
“Yes, he’s a swell guy!
I learned imagination
While in this other nation
Yes, he’s a swell guy!”